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A Bit of Banter

In L.A.U.G.H., Vikram on 04/03/2010 at 08:13

A bit of banter

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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Swamiji, Bernard Shaw and Guruji

In Knowledge digest, L.A.U.G.H. on 29/12/2009 at 17:58

1.When Swami Vivekananda went to USA, a lady asked him to marry her. When Swami asked the lady about what made her ask him such question. The lady replied that she was fascinated by his intellect. She wanted a child of such an intellect. So she asked Swami, whether he could marry her and give a child like him.

He said to that lady, that since she was attracted only by his intellect, there is no problem. “My dear lady, I understand Your desire. Marrying and bringing a child in to this world and understanding whether it is intelligent or not takes very long time. More over it is not guaranteed. Instead, to ful fill Your desire immediately, I can suggest a guaranteed way. Take me as Your child. You are my mother. Now on Your desire of having a child of my intellect is fulfilled.”

The lady was speechless.

2.A reply made by George Bernard Shaw in similar occasion is as follows.

Shaw was approached by a beautiful lady( film star) to marry her.Shaw asked why?

She said”I am beautiful and you are intelligent. If we get a child, the child will be of your intelligence and my beauty.

Shaw replied “If it is just opposite, my beauty and your intelligence? ”

3.Guruji (Sri Sri Ravishankar) was asked by a lady in US “Swamiji, can you sleep with me ?”

Swamiji was prompt in his reply” I have not come here to sleep, I have come to wake you up”

To Say Sorry is a Good Mistake?

In Knowledge digest, L.A.U.G.H. on 27/11/2009 at 22:46

TO SAY SORRY IS A GOOD MISTAKE?

Often, in establishing your righteousness, you are insensitive to others’ feelings. When someone is hurt, arguing with them and establishing your righteousness will be in vain.

By saying a simple “Sorry”, you can uplift the other and take away the bitterness. In many situations saying “Sorry” is better than establishing your righteousness. It can avert much unpleasantness. This one word of five letters, when said sincerely can remove anger, guilt, hatred and distance.

Many people feel pride in hearing “Sorry” from others. This boosts their ego. But when you say “Sorry” to a wise man, it evokes compassion at your ignorance. However, when you say “Sorry” to your Guru, He will get angry and say, “Go! Listen to Ashtavakra!” (Laughter) For your saying “Sorry” indicates doership. You feel that YOU have MADE a mistake.

A mistake is part of an unconscious mind. An unconscious mind cannot do right. A conscious mind can do no wrong. The mind which makes the mistake and the mind which realizes the mistake – saying “Sorry” – are entirely different, aren’t they? The mind which says “Sorry” cannot be an unconscious mind. Therefore, saying “Sorry” sincerely is a BIG MISTAKE!!!

Did you get it or are you confused? If you didn’t get it, don’t feel sorry or you can feel sorry!! (Laughter)

How strange – truth is paradoxical!

– Sri Sri